How Birth Order Affects Your Life

Are you the oldest child, the middle child or the youngest? Whether you are an only child, a twin or stuck somewhere in-between, there is growing evidence amongst scientists and psychologists that the order in which you are born may influence your intelligence, personality, relationships and career choice.

The oldest child tends to have a higher IQ and be more responsible, career-driven and confident. They often assume a ‘surrogate parent’ or tutor role and are unwittingly forced into the position of leader. They are generally expected to set an example for their younger siblings. Many Nobel Prize winners, US presidents, astronauts and classical music composers were first-borns and likewise a Time magazine survey revealed that 43% of CEOs interviewed worldwide were an oldest child.

Well, firstly new parents tend to spend a lot more time reading and playing with their first child. They shower them with attention and praise them when each childhood milestone is reached. Older children are also exposed to more adult language than their younger siblings. This highlights what scientists have been telling us all along – that the importance of a child’s formative years can never really be overstressed.

The oldest child is also usually healthier and stronger. This is particularly evident in poorer families where the first-born is initially ensured of nourishment but then must share food when siblings arrive and there are more mouths to feed.  First-time parents are also known for being overly-protective and are more likely to take their first child to the doctor at the slightest sign of ailment. There is even evidence that younger children are less likely to be immunised than their older siblings.

By the time the youngest child arrives, parents are generally more relaxed and confident in their skills as parents. Less fuss is made over the achievement of milestones. They are less anxious and disciplined and may consequently demand less of their younger children. Older children may resent their younger siblings for this reason as they cannot help but compare the expectations their parents had for them at the same age.

The middle child is stuck in the unenviable position of being neither the ‘leader’ nor the ‘baby’. They never really have the sole attention of their parents: whilst the oldest child has undivided attention before the next sibling arrives, the middle child is always surrounded by siblings, as the youngest is generally the last one to leave home. This may even lead to rebellion and attention-seeking behaviour in children born in the middle.

Psychologist Kevin Leman, author of The Birth Order Book (Fleming), refers to youngest children as “fun-loving risk takers”. They are known for being innovative, creative and having fun-filled and successful relationships. They tend to use charm and manipulation to get what they want and are apparently more sociable and outgoing than their older siblings. However, in the eyes of many families, the youngest child never really grows up and may forever be cast in the perpetual role of “baby”.

Similarly to first-borns, only children usually do well at school and are responsible, mature and confident. In twins, the effects of birth order are even more pronounced with the older twin usually being bigger and stronger. They tend to be more dominant and socially confident and these characteristics generally persist into adulthood. In addition to this, twins are often inadvertently referred to as “one” person and are already in a constant struggle to differentiate themselves and find their own niche.

Birth order can also change, for example, the death of a sibling or the addition of step brothers and sisters can significantly alter the dynamics in a family.

Another factor that needs to be considered is the age gap between siblings. Siblings born very close together place a lot of pressure on parents and are continuously competing for attention. The smaller the gap between siblings, the greater is the competition for attention. If there is a very large gap between children the younger one may even assume characteristics typical of first-borns.

There will always be opposition to the ideas suggested by the birth order theory. One can argue that there are a variety of factors that influence who we become. These factors are wide-ranging and include environment, relationship with parents and siblings, family stability and parental expectations. The one thing that is unanimous is that each child in a family is unique and should always be treated as such.